Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
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