im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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