all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
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She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
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HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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