I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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