Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Randomize