I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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