I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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