If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
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just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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