Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
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Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
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I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize