my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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