i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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