I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
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franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
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Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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