Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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