Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
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