True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
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He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
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