Your face is a jimmy john
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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