my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
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He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
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Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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