do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
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This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
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okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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