soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Randomize