once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
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You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
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If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
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