I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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