never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
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Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
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So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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