I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
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