You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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