i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
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The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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