Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize