Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
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Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
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I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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