Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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