Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
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I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
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You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
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