1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
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hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
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He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
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