dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
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I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
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There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
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