New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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