One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize