I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
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it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
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At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
You are a genius and a whore.
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