He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
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I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
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that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
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