This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
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