no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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