I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
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what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
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And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
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