You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
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I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
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He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
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