he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize