I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize