the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
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I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
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He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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