Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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