Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize