so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
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just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
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We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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