he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
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Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
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I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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