Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize