There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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