I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize