So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
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Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
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This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
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